Driving back home over the passes, I feel a little

Illuminated tent pitched against red rock formations under a vast star-filled night sky

Gray and white tent pitched on reddish desert ground near rock formations with sparse bushes and a black and white dog standing beside the tent under a clear blue sky

Driving back home over the passes, I feel a little overwhelmed—in the best way—by how incredible this trip to western Colorado and southeast Utah has been.

Ridge has matured a lot more out here. I think it’s the miles and the variety: slot canyons, sandstone overlooks stretching over endless valleys, towering alcoves, open camps under big skies. He’s taken it all in. Even the time in the kennel mattered—watching me ride out on horseback, learning patience, learning that I always come back. Something clicked for him.

Something clicked for me too.

Somewhere along these roads, I realized one of the best decisions I’ve made in my later life was not rushing into another relationship—and the boundaries those can entail. I gave myself the space to figure out what I actually love—and then to live it.

And it turns out, it’s this.

Wide open landscapes. Quiet. Movement. A couple of border collies running ahead and circling back. A life that feels like freedom instead of something to manage.

And somehow, it’s even better because it isn’t everything.

Because there are also the dance halls. The music, the people, the contrast of it all. Dust and silence one night, rhythm and laughter the next. It balances me in a way I didn’t expect, but now wouldn’t trade.

It’s Wednesday. I’ve been gone a week and a half, and I’m already looking forward to Thursday night at the Rose.

(click on photos below for larger image . . . - Esc or clicking outside of image will close it)

Red sandstone hillside illuminated by the warm light of the setting sun with scattered trees and dry grass in the foreground under a partly cloudy blue sky

Narrow river winding through a deep canyon with dry vegetation and rock cliffs under a partly cloudy sky

Expansive landscape with layered cliffs bathed in sunlight above a densely vegetated valley under a clear blue sky

Snow-capped mountain peaks behind a rugged desert landscape with red rocky hills and sparse vegetation under a clear blue sky

Two black and white dogs standing together on a rocky landscape beneath a large natural rock arch against a blue sky

Desert landscape with red sandstone formations, sparse green bushes, a clear blue sky, and a black and white dog running on a dirt trail

Expansive desert landscape with sparse vegetation, a dirt road winding through the scene, and distant snow-capped mountains under a blue sky with scattered clouds

Two black and white dogs walking on a red rocky trail surrounded by desert shrubs, with expansive layers of canyon cliffs and mesas under a partly cloudy sky

Desert landscape with red desert flowers growing among cracked rocky ground and small trees under a partly cloudy sky

Two border collies resting on a rocky outcrop overlooking a wide desert landscape with distant cliffs bathed in warm sunlight

A dog wearing a red harness stands on a rocky outcrop overlooking a vast, sunlit desert landscape with cliffs and sparse vegetation under a sky with scattered clouds

Two border collies exploring a dry, rocky landscape with sparse shrubs and large red rock formations under a clear blue sky

a person wearing a cowboy hat and jacket standing on rocky terrain with two black and white border collies, with expansive red rock canyon landscape in the background under a clear blue sky

A man wearing a hat and jacket sits on a rocky ledge petting two border collies with red rock canyon landscape and clear blue sky in the background

Black and white dog stepping out of a gray camping tent set against red rock formations and sparse desert vegetation under a clear blue sky

Border collie with black and white fur lying on a sunlit dirt path, with another dog partially visible in the foreground wearing a red harness

Two black and white dogs standing on a reddish dirt trail with sparse vegetation and rocky hills in the background under a clear blue sky

Light-colored tent pitched on reddish rocky ground near a large curved sandstone formation with trees on top, under a clear blue sky

A dry, twisted tree trunk lying on the reddish desert ground surrounded by sparse desert shrubs and low vegetation, with long shadows cast by the late sun

Close-up of a shrub with small fresh green leaves against a blurred background of rocky landscape and distant mountains under a pale sky

A small gray and white tent set up on rocky ground with large, rugged mountains and rock formations in the background under a partly cloudy sky

Two black and white border collies standing on rocky terrain with towering red rock formations in the background under a partly cloudy sky

Tall, rugged red rock formation rising against a pale blue sky with scattered small bushes and rocky terrain in the foreground

Two small dogs exploring rocky terrain at the base of a large red sandstone formation under a clear blue sky

A dog walking near a gray and white tent pitched on rocky ground with layered desert cliffs and sparse trees in the background under a cloudy sky

Border collie standing on sunlit rocky terrain with a small tent pitched in the background and expansive canyon cliffs under a cloudy sky

Two border collies standing and sitting on sunlit rocky terrain with a tall, reddish sandstone spire and mesas in the background under a clear sky

Tall, orange sandstone rock formation illuminated by the setting sun against a clear sky in a desert landscape with rocky ground and sparse vegetation

Tent pitched on rocky terrain at dusk with a colorful pink and orange sky and mountain silhouettes in the background

Two black and white dogs resting on sunlit rocky terrain with sparse vegetation in the background

Two black and white border collies resting on a sunlit rocky surface in a desert landscape with sparse bushes and rocky formations

Border collie sitting on a smooth, rocky sandstone slope under a clear blue sky

Silhouette of a person with a cowboy hat standing inside a narrow, towering orange sandstone canyon with two dogs nearby and a clear blue sky visible above

person wearing a hat standing in a narrow red rock canyon with one dog nearby under a bright blue sky

Person in a cowboy hat petting a dog inside a narrow red rock canyon under a bright blue sky

person wearing a hat and plaid shirt walking with two black and white dogs through a narrow canyon with tall, textured red rock walls

Man wearing a cowboy hat and plaid shirt standing in a narrow sandstone canyon with two border collies running ahead on the sandy ground

Two black and white dogs and a man in a plaid shirt and hat standing in a narrow, high-walled sandstone canyon with a bright sky overhead

Two black and white border collies standing on a smooth, sloping sandstone surface with towering red rock cliffs and leafless trees under a clear blue sky

black and white Border Collie standing on a reddish rocky slope under a clear blue sky

Two border collies running across a rocky desert landscape with large sandstone formations in the background and long shadows cast by the setting sun

Two dogs running and circling back on a dry hillside with large, light-colored rocky formations in the background under a bright sky

Gnarled, twisted tree standing in front of large sandstone rock formations under a clear blue sky in a dry, desert landscape

Twisted, weathered tree with green foliage growing on a dry, rocky desert slope with large sandstone cliffs in the background under a clear blue sky

Arid landscape with large sandstone rock formation under a clear blue sky, sparse desert vegetation including green shrubs and a dead tree in the foreground

A dry, rugged landscape with sandy soil, scattered shrubs, and a large fallen dead tree branch, under a clear blue sky, with a black and white dog walking near the branch

Black and white border collie standing on jagged rocky terrain under a bright blue sky in a desert landscape with tan and reddish rock formations

Rocky beige and tan sandstone formations under a bright blue sky with wispy clouds

Red sandstone rock formation towering over a rugged desert landscape with scattered dry bushes under a cloudy sky

Expansive rocky landscape with large red sandstone boulders and cliffs under a bright blue sky with wispy clouds

Rocky desert landscape with reddish sandstone cliffs and boulders under a clear blue sky

Black and white dog sitting on reddish rocky terrain with large rock formations and a clear blue sky in the background

ancient petroglyph of a human figure with raised arm carved into a narrow rock wall along a dirt path under clear blue sky

Border collie standing at the base of a rugged sandstone cliff under a clear blue sky

Faint petroglyphs depicting handprints and abstract shapes etched into a weathered rock surface

A pronghorn walking across a barren, rocky landscape with dry, textured hills in the background

Golden sandstone cliffs under a clear blue sky with a sloping grassy hillside and a dirt path winding through sparse vegetation

close-up of rough, cracked, and textured earth surface with shadows and small dried plants

I’ve written countless essays trying to explain why I choose this life—one of solitude visiting mountains and canyon country, in a home I paid off a decade or two ago. I’m sorry for beating this to death, but it is clearly a cycle of thought I haven’t quite finished. Watching the new Taylor Sheridan series Madison on Paramount—with its themes of grief, family, and seeking a new start in the wilderness—finally gave me the push to articulate the "why" behind the "now." It isn't about running away; it's about what I'm bringing with me. Here it is:

Maybe the reason I’m so content now—living quietly, wandering with my dogs—is because I already lived a full life with someone else.

We were together twenty-six years. The first four, before the girls arrived, felt like something pure and unmistakable. We were in love, certainly, but more than that, we were companions. We didn’t require much beyond each other and a shared task.

Entertainment was simple: being together. We hiked the trails just outside of town or rode our Honda Trail 90’s up there, worked in the garden until the light faded, coaxing life out of the soil. I can still see those Biedermeier columbines—delicate, improbable, quiet proof of how good we once were.

We had dogs back then, too. I used to run out into the adobe badlands and disappear behind a low hill while she waited in the truck with them. They’d grow restless, shifting and whining as they watched me recede into the distance. Then she’d open the door. They would tear across the earth—barking, yipping, full of purpose—until they found me.

Later, when the girls came, our world widened, but the center held. We walked through town together or took them onto those same trails, carrying them until they could walk the rhythm we had already established.

We are strangers to each other now. The people we were then might not even recognize the people we have become. But that doesn’t undo the history. Those days aren't coming back, any more than our youth is coming back. I know that. But they don’t feel lost; they feel kept.

And perhaps that is why I am able to live the way I do now—quietly, simply, with my dogs and chickens and a life built close enough to the mountains to feel their pull. I don't believe I am waiting for something to begin. I carry something whole with me. It isn't unfinished; it's something complete, the well I draw from in this quiet life.

Woman holding a sleeping baby wrapped in a light blanket in front of a rustic wooden log wall

Three people smiling outdoors with a forest and blue sky in the background